A Blogger Worth The Read on Presidunt BushCo.

6/24/2005
BushCo: Forget the insurgents! Kill the liberals!
Filed under: Constructive Criticism — MrBogle @ 5:28 pm

A few days, back I wrote about this Administration’s “new” public relations campaign to woo people back into “the Iraq Invasion = great” camp. This past week, BushCo. revealed the details of the plan. It’s pretty awesome.
First, you deny there’s a problem. Second, you ignore the polls and deny that Americans are against the Iraq “war.” Third, you say that, IF there ARE Americans against the “war,” they are aiding the terrorists. Fourth, you say you really care about all the American troops being killed and this whole war thing is “hard.” Fifth, you link Iraq with 9/11 and smush all the facts together as if playing with clay, ignoring and re-inventing history like a Ritalin-dosed five-year-old. Sixth, and most importantly, you attack “liberals” who are against the Iraq quagmire and, somehow, bring in 9/11 and questions about their patriotism. Wow!
This whole deal began last week when BushCo. sent out the Pillsbury DoughBoy’s evil twin, Karl Rove, on the PR circuit. The pasty-faced Texan took his slime-trail, first, to “Hardball,” wherein in a warm-up of what was to come later, declared that, in spite of EVERY SINGLE POLL done in the last three months, Americans support Bush’s illegal invasion and….the polls were wrong.
Declared Rove: “You can find a poll and ask any questions you want, but I believe that if you say to the American people, ‘is it in the interest of the United States to see a stable and democratic Iraq arise at the center of the Middle East and should we do whatever is necessary to make that happen?’ that I’m sure Americans would say yes.”
(NOTE: Only if they could respond after working two or three jobs just to get their mortgage and bills paid and buy schoolbooks for their kids.)
Substitute host (who should be permanent host), NBC Chief White House correspondent David Gregory blinked.
GREGORY: “You don’t think there’s majority opposition to the war?”
ROVE: “I think Americans are concerned about war, its ugly, its dangerous. Anybody who has got a family member who’s gone over there — I know it. I’ve had family members in the MidEast. I know how Americans who have loved ones abroad feel. I can I read, like you. the newspapers and watch the television and it is not a pleasant sight seeing people die. Whether it is (an) Iraqi civilian standing in line at a market or an Iraqi policeman whose goal is to serve his nation, or a US military personnel who is there on behalf of us so that we can fight the insurgents and the jihadists in the Middle East rather than facing them here. But having said that, that’s not the real question.
“The question is ‘is it in the American interest, will the world be safer, will the world be more peaceful if America and our coalition partners stand with the people of Iraq and move towards a democracy, or will we be better off if we turn tail and run?’ I know of only a handful of people in the United States Congress, and I suspect a relatively small number of Americans, who say we ought to pull up stakes and pull out, regardless of what the consequences are, because I think most Americans understand how vital it is for our interests that we have a stable and democratic Iraq.”
NO! THAT WASN’T THE QUESTION!!!! WE DON’T CARE ABOUT IRAQ! WE NEVER DID! Oh, the headaches! Migraines! Where’s my aspirin? Oh, yeah. It got better.
GREGORY: “You’re talking about the goal, there’s also question about the way the war is being run, prosecution of the war and you’re hearing from both sides of the aisle more calls for an exit strategy. This week Senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska, a Republican, was quoted as saying ‘America is losing in Iraq’ and he says the White House is ‘completely disconnected from reality about the war.’ Your reaction?”
ROVE: “I respectfully disagree. This president talks every week (NOT EVERY FRIGGIN’ DAY????) with the commanders in the field by a video link. He gets briefed by the front line every single week. He meets virtually every single day with the sec of defense (OH, GREAT! THIS IS LIKE DOPEY TALKING TO GRUMPY.) who talks with him about the progress of the war in Iraq. He meets with the national intelligence director every single morning to receive a briefing. With all due respect to Senator Hagel, I understand he has strong feelings about this, but this president is in connection, is in touch with the men and women who are on the front line of this war who are making the decisions and making the recommendations about our policy.”
(ACK!)
GREGORY: “The vice president said recently that he thinks the insurgency in Iraq is in its last throes —its final throes, do you agree with that?”
ROVE: (Note: This is a good one. Study it. This is the definition of “spin.”) “We know that when a movement like this, a jihadist movement, a terrorist movement, is most dangerous when it is running out of options. We saw, you saw earlier this year Zarqawi and some of the other leaders of Al Qaeda and its affiliates talk about the dangers and about the struggles that they were in. They were complaining about the circumstances in which they found themselves, pressed by on all sides, by U.S. coalition and Iraqi forces. So I do believe the vice president said it correct: we will find these Jihadists and the Al Qaeda most dangerous when they are at the moment of greatest danger for them.”
Amazingly, Gregory’s head didn’t blow up after hearing all this nonsense. Rove went on to blame US for not understanding what’s really going on. “I think more Americans need to do a better job of letting Americans know what is going on there,” he stated, ignoring his slime-trail.
There will be a slight pause while I either smack myself in the head, put on a tin-foil hat or have a stiff drink. WTF? Sigh. Okay. Let’s go on. I’ve done all three.
Rove also stated that Americans are falling into the hands of the enemy — if the polls, which he doesn’t acknowledge as meaning anything, show that Americans are smelling a skunk: “Look, Americans don’t like war. I mean nobody likes war and waking up and seeing on the screen people dying is something that Americans don’t like to see. Whether its American men and women in uniform, or rather it’s Iraqis in uniform or Iraqi civilians. But we need to remember, that’s part of the goal of the insurgents. Their goal is to weaken our resolve by being so violent and so dangerous and so ugly that they hope that we will turn tail and run. They have misjudged the American people though. And they have certainly misjudged this president.”
After subtly bashing liberals for wanting to litigate terrorists, defending Gitmo, and declaring that the Presidunce has always leveled with us about how long and hard this war would be, (Hmmmm. I seemed to remember a “Mission Accomplished” banner. Naaah. Probably just my ‘magination.) he quipped, re: the Bolton as bully vote: “I’m an idealist. I always hold out hope.”
And I’m the fuggin’ Tooth Fairy, Karl. Let me punch-out a tooth and I’ll give you a quarter.
Krafty Karl hit his stride a day later whilst gasbagging in front of a gaggle representing the Conservative Party of New York State, at a site dangerously close to the remnants of the Twin Towers. “Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 in the attacks and prepared for war,” he slimed, “liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers.
“I don’t know about you, but moderation and restraint is not what I felt when I watched the twin towers crumble to the ground, a side of the Pentagon destroyed, and almost 3,000 of our fellow citizens perish in flames and rubble.”
Referring to Senator Richard J. Durbin’s (D, Illinois) comments about American mistreatment of detainees being equal to those used by Nazis, Soviets or other mad regimes, he oozed: “Has there ever been a more revealing moment this year? Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the MidEast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals.”
See the pattern, here?
One day later, Veep Cheney snarled ominously to Wolfe Shitzer on CNN re: liberals: “There were some who opposed what we did in Afghanistan.”
Okay, this is classic Bushit. After the Bishistas ignored all warnings and allowed the Twin Towers to be taken down, the Senate voted 98-0 and the House voted 420-1 for a resolution authorizing Shrub to use “all necessary and appropriate force” against those responsible for the act. The lone hold-out was Rep. Barbara Lee, a Dem. from California.
After the vote, Bush said in a statement. “I am gratified that the Congress has united so powerfully by taking this action. It sends a clear message - our people are together, and we will prevail.”
This entire Rove-Cheney riff was designed to distract the American public from the fact that Bush made a gigantic a mistake when he plunged us into invading Iraq and that countless more gallons of American blood will be spilled over there in order for Bush to declare himself a victor. A hero. A peace-maker. A War Preznant.
It should be noted that, at the same time all this verbal crap was being flung, Bush was out on the trail, stumping for his domestic debacles and quipping at one rally in Lusby, Maryland: “I want to thank the President and the CEO of Constellation Energy, Mayo Shattuck. That’s a pretty cool first name, isn’t it, Mayo. (Five second pause.) Pass the Mayo. (Laughter and applause.) His wife, Molly, appreciated that. (Laughter.)”
Awwww, come on, Sparky. Get a fuggin’ grip.
Also, please note, that two days later, Dubya would be talking about how “hard” it is for him to deal with the families of dead soldiers in Iraq. How about letting us see their caskets? There’s never a rimshot around when you really need one.
And there’s never a reporter with enough balls to call Bush on this crap.
In terms of Rove, the Democrats, who always apologize for saying anything honest, demanded an apology from the slug. No way, said the White House, via sweaty Scott McClellan. The “press conference” following Rove’s declarations, was classic.
Q Scott, you ask us oftentimes for specifics — does Karl have in mind a particular Democratic leader who suggested therapy for the folks who attacked on 9/11?
MR. McCLELLAN: I think you can look at his remarks, Mark.
Q He didn’t mention any names, and I’m asking you if you know.
MR. McCLELLAN: I know, so you should go look at your remarks.
Q So in other words, there are no —
MR. McCLELLAN: Clearly, there are people who have taken a different approach, and I don’t think we need to get into names.
Q But someone who specifically has suggested therapy?
MR. McCLELLAN: Mark, if you want to make more than it was, then you’re welcome to, but I think you should go back and look at his remarks. I didn’t see his remarks.
Q He didn’t name any names, which is why I’m asking you.
MR. McCLELLAN: Yes, and you can go back and look at his remarks and see for yourself what it says.
I’m getting dizzy, how about you? Can we, with intelligence, puke now?
No, save those dry heaves. The Administration is on the march. Oooolp.
Then, there was Rumsfeld, re-writing history and obliterating the facts before a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing. Following the top American commander in the Persian Gulf telling Congress that the Iraqi insurgency has not grown weaker over the past six months, despite a claim by Vice Resident Cheney that it was in it’s “last throes,” Rumsfeld barked: “Those who say we are losing this war are wrong. We are not.”
After Rummy was accused by Senator Ted Kennedy of disassembling the facts and after Ted declared there “was no end in sight” to this quagmire, Rummy smirked: “Well, that is quite a statement. First let me say that there isn’t a person at this table who agrees with you that we’re in a quagmire and that there’s no end in sight.”
“The suggestion by you that people — me or others — are painting a rosy picture is false,” lied Rumsfeld.
Shortly thereafter, a bright red winged monkey flew out of his butt. (The cameras were off by that time. Trust me on this one.)
One day later, after various Administration flunkies kept Rove’s delusions in the news (aided by outraged Democrats, who really should know better than to respond to trite taunts by now) and the winged monkey was given press credentials by Spanky McClellan, our “War Presnent” met Iraqi Prime Minster FUBARi, I mean, Jaafari at the White House.
Afterwards, at a Press Sprint, Dubya opined on the insurgents: “They try to kill — and they do kill innocent Iraqi people, women and children, because they know that they’re — the carnage that they wreak will be on TV. And they know that they are — they know that it bothers people to see death — and it does, it bothers me, it bothers American citizens, it bothers Iraqis. They’re trying to shake our will. That’s what
they’re trying to do. And so of course we understand the nature of that enemy…
“In other words, they figure if they can shake our will and affect public opinion, then politicians will give up on the mission. I’m not giving up on the mission. We’re doing the right thing, which is to set the foundation for peace and freedom…”
Undaunted by a populace that has slowly begun to realize that he lied his ass off to go into Iraq, Bush declared: “I think I said at this press conference here in the East Room, you know, it’s like — following polls is like a dog chasing his tail. I’m not sure how that translates. But my job is to set an agenda and to lead toward that agenda. And we’re laying the foundation for peace around the world.”
So, let’s get this straight, in spite of the fact that the CIA has said Bush’s idiocy has transformed Iraq into the primo spot to train ultra-sophisticated terrorists (Even better than Afghanistan! Yaaay!), in spite of the fact that all American military leaders in Iraq conclude that we’re between A-wreck and a hard place, in spite of the fact that most Americans have woken up and have spotted that BushCo. is dismantling the country and has committed a fatal error of supreme arrogance….everything is fine.
Next Tuesday, Bush will give a prime-time speech in front of the indoctrinated at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Expect nothing but missing your favorite re-runs.
The new PR campaign?
There’s a reason that if you hit “I’m feeling lucky” whilst Googling “worst president” and/or “miserable failure,” you’re taken directly to the official White House biography of George W. Bush.
Let’s see Karl Rove spin that.